Keep Calm: The End is Almost Here

So it's almost the end of the year.... I think the key word here is almost. The kids seem to have given up. They know the end is near. I know the end is near, but not near enough. Today we had a fun day. Kids with all passing grades played fun games; I'm talking about almost carnival rides. Kids with failing grades were in what my school calls lockdown. They were in classrooms making up the work they didn't do.

My part in a this was two-fold. I had made a quick summer school promotion video over the weekend and spent a good chunk of my morning showing it to kids who might attend summer school. I'm not above pandering. I need kids to attend summer school for fun so I can teach my fun classes.  The second part of my day was spent with some kids in lockdown who had work to finish to pass their classes.

I have a hard time understanding students who think they don't have to do their work. It's probably because I was never in that situation. I didn't think doing my work was a choice. I hope my own sons felt the same way. So being around students who abandoned any thoughts of finishing their work was a chore. Thankfully, another teacher was in her room with me. Thanks Mrs. C for being so kind when I was getting a little crazy.

And crazy was how I felt, honestly. Students tried to take tests before they were ready. I saw study guides that didn't even answer the questions. There was no way these kids were going to pass tests with totally wrong answers on their study guides. Once again, thank you Mrs. C. for being so patient. Your modeling helped me not completely lose my cool. I persevered and made it until 3:00. I will probably see most of these students at summer school, as so I should. But I shant be teaching them. Someone with more patience and kindness in their heart will help them get the basics they should have learned in class with their teacher.

Maybe these students will learn something my Dad taught me a long time ago: Do something right the first time. I had to redo washing the dishes because I left some dirty, but I learned a good lesson from it. Maybe students can learn to complete their work right the first time so they don't have to redo it. I don't know. I would hated to have to attend summer school to pass my core classes. But I never went down that road. I hope this will be a learning experience for those that must attend.

What have I learned from this day? Kids will be kids. There's no use getting myself riled up about it. Calm and cool is the way to be. I can let students deal with the consequences of their choices. It wasn't my choice, after all. And I've learned to be thankful for my co-workers who can demonstrate the patience needed to show me how I need to behave. Lord, I am thankful for my co-workers. Just remember... The End is near! Until next time...

Dealing with loss a Widow's Journey

Update: As I reread this nine year old blog I realized just how far I've come in my widow journey. Happiness and joy are more prevalent than heartache and pain. I'm taking my life lessons, empathy and compassion for my fellow widows and turning it into a coaching practice. Life can get better and better with each passing day. Keep the faith!

I just read a post about how to grieve for the loss of your husband. Wow, that resurfaces a lot of old wounds. And when I say "old" I'm talking about 7 and a half years. But right now it feels fresh. The emotions can come back in a flash even after many years. Losing a spouse is not something most people get over within a set amount of time. That was my first lesson.

My husband is second from the left and has his tongue out. :)

Everyone is different. I've seen it firsthand in the widow support groups. So my first advice to you is that there's no timetable on your grief. Grieving itself is a coming to grips with reality that can seem neverending. And when I mean that, I'm talking about daily you will find something that reminds you that your spouse is gone. It's possible to hide the grief or bury it in a new relationship, but dealing with it is a necessary ingredient to healing.

It really doesn't matter how long you were married. I was married almost 22 and a half years. The pain is real no matter how long you were together. Those with shorter times grieve over what could have been. Those like me, married for a longer time, still had dreams of growing old together. Time together is irrelevant; it's the expectation of your joined lives and the loss that hurts. Coming to grips with the reality of a new life is one of the hardest things I've ever done.


My first memorable moment of that terrible reality occurred at a Friday work faculty meeting. I sat there thinking that the gal talking in front of me was going home to her husband. And I am going home to an empty house. It pains me to think of this, but I spent most of that meeting trying to deal with that terrible fact. I didn't learn much about whatever concept was introduced, but I was facing the facts of my new life.

I did have our dog, which became "my dog" and thank God for Ruffy. His needs were something I could focus on when I needed to push myself. On my planning hour I came home to take him out and to make sure everything at my house was okay.

My next lesson deals with acknowledging your feelings. I journaled like crazy. I'm fortunate that I wasn't involved with facebook at this time. I was a mess and I went from being mad to being sad in the course of a few hours. It was crazy. But it was my personal journey and I documented it on a spiral bound notebook. I haven't had an occasion to review it lately, but I've been through it many times. It can help remind you of how far you've come in the grieving process.

I found support. I was lucky enough to find a widow support group online. Those people helped me realize I wasn't alone. Being alone when you are already alone and feeling alienated is the worst feeling. Knowing there were other widows out there dealing with the same problems gave me some hope. It may sound strange, but when you've been left alone you need to know there are others experiencing the same feelings. A bond forms when you meet other widows.

My first experience meeting another widow online was scary for me. I was going to Kansas City for a conference and she lived near KC. She told me to give her a call. I was all alone in my room, because widows aren't the best company. So I took a chance and gave her a call. She showed up at my hotel and amazing as it might sound, we hit it off. We shared experiences of teaching and being widowed. And still today I think of her as a good friend. She actually helped me out more than she knows. Thanks J!

Hurdles. Yes, there are hurdles to leap in the process of grieving. I made a point of remembering every first I accomplished, because it meant I was moving forward. It's crazy how many "firsts" you can accomplish. My most recent one was driving from Missouri to Colorado last summer solo. It may not seem like much to you, but it was a big deal for me.

Am I totally over my loss? I would have to say, "No". Am I dealing with what my life has become? Well, I'd have to say, "yes". Life is a strange mix of good and bad. Sometimes it feels like one overcomes the other, but give it time. Take care of yourself, mentally, physically and emotionally and things will balance out. Until next time....

Where's the focus?

I play a game called Criminal Case. It's a harmless game that makes me feel like a detective, sometimes anyway. One of the crime scenes is set to see the differences. It's neat, but occasionally I notice my focus seems wrong.

Today was one of those days. I noticed I was looking at the small details and ignoring the big differences right in front of me. I don't understand that. Why am I so focused on finding something small that I don't realize a big object missing right where I'm looking?

Some people have sayings like, "Can't see the forest for the trees." The Bible talks about seeing the speck in your brother's eye and ignoring the log in your own eye. Focusing on the small details doesn't get you the full picture.  As a teacher grading a writing assignment I could concentrate on every grammar mistake and avoid getting the message or the creativity present. I could focus so much on my job that I don't acknowledge that students have other teachers and there's a big picture in education.

I had to make a list today of students who had B+ or higher grade point average. As I reviewed this elite list, I wondered what's their focus. I know several focus on getting a high score in every class. But what do they focus on? I know what I did when I was in junior high. I focused on the subjects that were the hardest for me and less on the ones that came naturally. These students in my class have the mentality that focuses on the end result. They want all As. They change their focus as their grade fluctuates.  And there's nothing wrong with that. It seems like big picture mentality and they focus on details when needed.

So why do I find myself concentrating  on so many small details? It has to be my focus. Let's face it, worrying and fretting has never really changed anything. In fact it's probably caused more harm than good. Now I'm not suggesting you quit bothering with being on time for your job or take a vacation from reality, but sometimes don't we all focus on things that are piddly?

I know teaching junior high science is important, but I also need to look at my student's future. That's scary to do. I know they will learn many new things in high school. I have to build from elementary and prepare them to transition to high school. But sometimes I think about the fact most will never get the chance to study earth science again. Yes, I'm looking at the details, but at the same time I'm looking at the big picture. I managed to focus on both.

This is a rough time of year for teachers, especially in the junior high. Hormones are running rampant and I don't want to scare any non-teachers, but the hallways are a scene from a Stephen King novel. This is a time for the big picture. It's so easy to focus on the insanity in front of us that we don't realize that half of these students will be gone in 35 days. They won't be causing mischief in the halls or talking back. They will be someone else's detail.  We may not even remember their name this time next year. Ha! Who am I kidding? I remember details too well to forget that easily. But a few years down the road, I might not remember names.

When it comes right down to the nitty gritty, I have to say details are good. But don't lose focus of the big picture. I've seen it too many times in daily life and in the games I play. The big picture will always bring your focus back on track. To all my teacher friends, God bless you as you navigate through this time of year. And remember the big picture, the end it near.

From me to you: Tips for new teachers

I've been reading plenty of tips for new teachers. They just seem to pop up on my computer. None seem to cover the nitty gritty life of a teacher in my opinion. So I thought I'd write some myself. Six of them just to clarify.

1. Listen and visit with your students. This may be a couple seconds in the hallway before school or listening to them talk during group work. You can gain incredible insight into where the students are in extracurricular activities, their comprehension of your subject or home life. Having this information can help you be a better teacher. If possible, incorporate their activities into your lessons.

2. Take your curriculum seriously, but not yourself. It's your job to teach the curriculum; no doubt about that. Quickest way to find yourself job hunting is to give free days over and over. But you don't have to be Mr. or Ms. Perfect. So you misspelled a word on a test, you tripped over your shoes, you mispronounced a word; big deal. It can become a big deal if you don't just laugh it off. Kids need adult role models. If you model someone easy going enough to realize you're not perfect, they can do the same. Let's face it, no one is perfect. And if you try to be, students will try to find fault in you. In my years as a teacher, I've had the experience of having the lock on the bathroom door break trapping me inside, fallen off a skateboard in front of the class, and numerous other incidents that escape my memory. Laughing and shrugging my shoulders is all I can do.

3.  Be flexible. And I mean it. I know you put plenty of time in planning great lessons. You expect them all to go just like you envisioned in your mind. Sometimes it just doesn't happen. It may be an unexpected phone call, or the kids didn't understand the directions or maybe just a fire drill. Don't worry about it. There have been times I expected to do something only to realize the students weren't ready or the supplies weren't there. Being flexible means you can easily move into a back up plan when things don't work out. Do I like to make great plans only to see them crumble? No! But it's much easier to toss the plans aside and take control over what you can, than fret about it. This is a hard, but necessary lesson.

4.  Be prepared. This tip embodies all the components of teaching. Make sure you have the materials before you decide to make a neat project. As you are writing your lessons, keep materials in mind. If you are relying on the internet, have a backup plan, in case it's down. I've had more than one lesson malfunction due to lack of internet service. If you are showing a video, check to see if it can be downloaded. You will be able to use it again next year if you like it. And while I'm on the subject, preview your videos. I know, it's time consuming, but you may find something inappropriate or possibly realize the subject matter was different than you thought. And don't forget to prepare your students for all kinds of evacuations and lock downs. It might mean life or death someday.

5.  Use your resources. There are a lot of resources available to teachers, but none more valuable that your co-workers. So start to reach out to your fellow teachers. You can ask about students and how to deal with them. You should seek out those veteran teachers. Fortunately for me, those veteran teachers were generous with their knowledge. I learned it's not just me working and struggling. It's all of us and we are in this together. My teaching is reflected in all the teachers who have passed along a nugget of wisdom in my direction. It may have been something simple about what they do with a kid or tips to deal with parents. But I'm forever grateful to those teachers who are willing to share their vast experiences with me.

6. Tomorrow is another day. And it's great if it's a Saturday. Just joking, folks. But seriously, my  first two years teaching were brutal. I changed schools after my first year. And the first year at a new school is trying, to say the least. I've heard some students actually brag that they ran off a new teacher in the building. Hey, I teach junior high, what else can they brag about? Ha, joking again, or am I? During that first year in a new school I'd come home exhausted and complaining about everything. Why me? I'll even admit that I sought out employment elsewhere. Thankfully, it wasn't the plan for me. I had both my sons in my 8th grade science classroom and I'm glad. They graduated from my district and I'm grateful. I found my place. Don't judge a district on  your first or second year. Get settled, get established. Realize teachers and administrators will come and go. But students need stability. I feel like I've provided that as I see some of the same parents over and over at conferences. It's a comfort. At the same time, I never know what tomorrow will bring and that's exciting.

Let me know what you think of my tips by posting a comment. I'd love to hear more tips from you.

Who You Gotta Call?

No, I'm not a Ghostbuster, although I think it would be an adventurous job. I'm a teacher. And who do teachers call? Sometimes other teachers, many times they call on students. But sometimes we have to call parents. I can't remember a teacher calling my parents or even me as a parent. As a teacher, though, I have to call parents.

Honestly, I'd just rather write an email, check it twice and send it off. Many times this works, but lately I don't get responses from my emails and then I must call. I'd love to call parents just to tell them their child did something amazing. And occasionally, I do. But it has to be big. Not just pretty intelligent. That can wait for parent/teacher conferences.

When it comes right down to it, I don't like to call parents. You are probably thinking, What's your problem? You teach and parents want to know what's going on at school. And you are right to think that. I do know teenagers don't always tell their parents what's going on at school. I hear it from parents all the time. They never bring home any work. They say they got their work done at school. I get it!

Here's my side. One, I take grades on homework, quizzes and tests. I report it on our online grading system. This system is accessible to students and parents. It's a username and password away, if you have internet. Students have internet at school and they know when they didn't turn in an assignment because I distribute the graded papers back.

Two, most parents that I have to call I don't know. I may have met them once at open house, but I meet so many parents, that I can't recall all of them. Hey, it takes me a few weeks to get the students' names down. In this strange situation, I end up feeling like a phone solicitor without a magic product. That's an awkward situation to be in. You wouldn't like it either.

And since I don't know these parents, I have no idea about their schedule. This is the most grueling part for me. Am I calling during supper? Are the parents even home or am I going to get the student on the phone? Did I wake them because they have a different work schedule? All these thoughts flash through my head as I go home and call a parent. ( I like to call from home because I know I won't get interrupted and I never know how long a call will last.)

So as I work up my nerve. Yes, I really have to do this. Maybe I'll tell myself, "No fun, until you finish your work. Even if you don't get through, you've tried." Most of the times, I call and the parent answers and something good happens. We have communication, a plan of action.

A few times I've been in the awkward situation where a parent starts yelling at the kid while I'm on the phone. This really bothers me. Do they need to know about the situation? Yes! Do I need to know how they are going to handle it? No!

Today was one of those days that I went through the working up my nerve. Told myself the emails weren't enough. I called and it went fine. We talked and made plans. We looked at the future. All I have to say is, "Whew!" I'm glad that's over until the next time I've got to call.

That's My Job

I just read a Huff Post Education blog called "12 Things Teachers Think But Can't Always say to Parents". I'll admit it's a little on the touchy-feely side. You can see for yourself here.http://www.huffingtonpost.com/matthew-dicks/12-things-teachers-think-_b_6876080.html


The comments following the blog are more interesting in my humble opinion. Many are cynical and a few are sugar sweet. I'll be honest, I didn't start teaching at the junior high level to be a sweetheart. I put my time in as a substitute in lower elementary and it's crazy hard. I came home exhausted, but still needing to deal with my own young sons.

The first item mentioned talks about loving your child a little lower than my own child. The cynic says no way. I say there are a few exceptions and they aren't who you think they are. Some kid may act in a way that reminds me of my son. Some girls remind me of myself when I was their age. It's called relating. It's necessary for a teacher.

The second item talks about missing every child. There are many former students that I miss. But in all honesty, it's short lived. That's why I go to work each day. It's called work for a reason. I have more students to think about and worry about each year. I have over 100 students a year! I have found it harder now that we do a modified looping system and I may have students for seventh and eighth grade. I find myself wondering what they will do when they graduate. And I do listen when they say they want to be a veterinarian, doctor, etc.

Another comment deals with coming to me first if there is a problem. Life would be so much easier if parents would do this. If I did something stupid, say something to me. I so dread the visit to the principal's office to hear it. Most of the time I didn't even realize what I did. If you would have shot me an email, I could have handled it without involving the principal, who could be dealing with something more serious.

Yes, there are times when legally I can't say something to you. I'm not supposed to mention other students by name. There are weird legal things that we have to implement every year. You talk to your child, you know and I know, but all I can do is possibly nod my head. Just realize I can't talk about other students with you.

Parents have their kids for a lifetime. I have them 48 minutes a day for 180 days. I care about their academics, extra curricular activities, their career choices and even the drama in their lives. Some I'll remember forever because they made some odd impact on me. But when it comes down to it, I'm here to make sure they can pass the state mandated test. I'll do everything I possibly can to do my job, because that's what I'm supposed to do.

Designer Genes

As I was "researching" on the computer today I ran across a few obituaries. Of the three, two I'd never met and one person I shared a quick visit. All these people were my relatives. And I sit here dumbstruck. The lady I met who is now gone actually married into my family. The other two men share some DNA with me. And I never met them.

As I sit and ponder this I realize I must be different. I dig long and hard into genealogy. I find it fascinating. When I see old photos I gain insight into how these people acted, felt, lived. I don't have a big family. I've got one aunt, one uncle and two cousins. I have a brother and a sister and two sons, but sometimes it seems small. My grandma was an only child.

This photo is my Grandma as a child with her mother. As I look at it, I wonder where they are. I can assume somewhere in my Grandma's hometown. Why did they stop? Who took the photo?

I feel that because I have a small family, any loss is hard. I suppose what I'm trying to say is appreciate the people you love now. Let them know you love them.  Sometimes they may be hard to deal with, annoying or maybe down right crazy. Not that I have any crazy relatives. Just keep in mind that they won't be around forever. Life is precious and no one knows when a loved one will leave this earthly body. And while I still have you thinking. You are thinking, right? Get some genealogy information from them. There will come a day when you will wonder about the people who contributed their genes to you.

 Below is my brother and me.
In case you didn't know, you share more genes with your siblings than any other person on earth.

#genealogy #family